Change Thursday, February 18, 2010

For a moment, I thought I liked him. Well, no, I had been in deep contemplation for weeks! And I really did think I had fallen head over heels for him. What came over my being that made me realise that it was merely longing for a stolen best friend, I don't remember. I just woke up one day, smiling to myself, with voices inside my head screaming, "Sunye, get over it. You don't like him. Stop confusing yourself."

I met Jokwon when I was a 6-year-old. He possessed some degree of feminity even back then when we were in Kindergarden. I could never forget our first meeting, because he made such an ever-lasting first impression on me - on everyone, in fact. His hair was neatly combed, he had such geeky-looking glasses he wore his pants high, but the deal was his extremely bright pink scarf, which looked like her mother had mistakenly put her scarf on her son. It was out of place.

I was the centre of attention, and he was a mere background, but we just clicked. We became the best of friends. Okay, sure, the initial times of our life-long friendship were mostly of me bossing him around. But from then on, I softened out on him, and we were inseparable.

Throughout elementary, junior high, and middle high, we more than maintained our friendship. Nothing could waver it, nothing. No matter what we would still have each other in the end. I didn't think we could even manage life without the other's presence and existence. That was just how tight we were.

Came in high school, and that was when things started to change. A girl came along and Jokwon was instantly awed and amazed by her. If I knew what would happen, I would not have helped him and cared to even bother introducing themselves to one another. If I knew they would have undying and irresistible chemistry, I would have made them despise each other until they couldn't even bear to see the other.

But I didn't. I underestimated her, and it proved costly. I had no idea she could cause so much damage and strain between Jokwon and I - when I thought we were invincible.

At first, he would only see her when he had the time. Her importance was nothing compared to what I was to him. But gradually, Jokwon started seeing her more and more, and eventually, he was spending time with her more than me.

I was pushed to the side and she was officially replacing me.

I was at the peak of my frustration. I hated the sight of them together. I couldn't accept that I was non-significant to Jokwon anymore. I was jealous. The bitter sensation I felt seeing the couple together confirmed myself that I had fallen in love with Jokwon.

I mean, what else could it be?

I was jealous, I hated the girl.

Surely, I liked him. Right?

But no, now I've come to my senses and really, it wasn't love I had towards him - at least, not more than the love for a dear friend I very much cared about. I had become possessive of him, since he had been with me for so long, that I forgot that Jokwon doesn't have my name stamped all over him.

The saddest thing coming out from all this is the fact that our friendship will never be the same anymore. Change is the law of life, and people change with time.

Yes, I am aware that the execution was poor. Sorry....

I MISS KWONYE.

Labels: Change, Jokwon, One-shot, Sunye

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